


The Thing with Feathers

by highlightcity_159



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Andy and Nicky and Booker are all mentioned briefly, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Nile doesn't know where she fits in, Nile is depressed, and misses her brother, but I won't tag them - Freeform, its mostly just Joe and Nile bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:47:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26675404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/highlightcity_159/pseuds/highlightcity_159
Summary: “Hope” is the thing with feathers -That perches in the soul -And sings the tune without the words -And never stops - at all -And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -And sore must be the storm -That could abash the little BirdThat kept so many warm -I’ve heard it in the chillest land -And on the strangest Sea -Yet - never - in Extremity,It asked a crumb - of me.Emily Dickinson,"Hope" is the thing with feathers -
Relationships: Nile Freeman & Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani
Comments: 11
Kudos: 70





	The Thing with Feathers

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by all the hours I've spent over the years doing my own brother's hair. 
> 
> I know this is a break from my usual Book of Nile stuff but hope you like it!

When Nile was in tenth grade she wrote a “Who Am I?” essay at the beginning of the year. The purpose of the assignment was to explore identity outside of just the name that a person is given on their day of birth. Nile wrote her essay about being an older sister. Her brother is four years younger than her and had cemented himself as the most important person in her life from the moment she held him for the first time. She remembers telling him once when he’d called her in a panic that if he needed her to she would bury a body for him, no questions asked. 

Without her brother, she feels moor-less set adrift upon uncertain waters. Who is she if not a big sister? She doesn’t know the answer to that. It’s not really a role she can fill in this new family she’s found herself in. She does not know her place. Andy, Joe, and Nicky are great but it has always taken her time to adjust to being around new people. She made friends much slower than her brother. Trauma helped forge bounds quicker but it was still slow and Nile was still careful, learning boundaries and testing waters with these new people.

It had been a particularly rough day, where Nile’s greatest accomplishment was leaving the comforting silent abyss of her bedroom for the living room couch. She’s been silent for the last few days. She knows the others are worried. She’s seen the looks Joe and Nicky exchange when they think she’s not paying attention. She recognizes the softness in Andy’s eyes when Andy brings her some time. She wishes she could stop worrying them. She hates it, worrying them. She is a big sister. She is not supposed to be a cause for worry. She is supposed to be there to relieve stress and provide support. 

She sits on the couch and watches Joe sketch. He is keeping her company while Andy and Nicky are outside walking across the huge expanse of land that belongs to this Tuscan villa. Her eyes keep flicking up to Joe’s hair. Looser curls than either hers or her brother's but familiar nonetheless. Her fingers twitch. There’s an urge, like an uncomfortable and hard to reach itch, to play with Joe’s hair. She tilts her head sideways trying to imagine what he would look like with cornrows or maybe the braids she had done for her brother when he was going through his A$AP Rocky phase. 

“You look like you want to ask me a question, azizati,” Joe says without looking up from his notebook. 

“Would you—,” her voice breaks from the disuse and she takes a sip of tea before continuing. “Would you let me do your hair?” 

He looks up at this. It’s clearly not what he’s expecting.

“My hair?” 

She nods. 

“Why?” 

She’s been reluctant to share more about her family and her past with them. These people who have seen the rise and fall of entire civilizations would probably find no interest in the mundane life she’s lived. She often finds herself sitting at the dinner table listening to Joe telling stories of their hijinks, Nicky and Andy contributing details of their own. The stories feel like epics, like something out of the classical literature canon. She can’t compete. Her own stories are more domestic, boring really. So she doesn’t add anything. 

Nile shrugs. “I used to do my brothers hair and yours reminds me of him.” 

Joe has his full attention on her now and there’s something in his eyes that she doesn’t recognize. 

“I would be honored if you did my hair.” 

“Wait, really?” She perks up. It’s the most emotion she’s felt in weeks. She’s excited just at the possibility of it. 

“Of course.” Joe smiles at her. 

“Wait right here.” She hurries to get the supplies from her room; a rat tail comb, a few sectioning hair clips, hair grease, leave in conditioner, a spray bottle filled with warm water, and gel. She comes back into the living room with her bundle which she lays out on the coffee table. She pulls a couch cushion down onto the floor in front of the chair she’s been sitting and gestures for Joe to sit there. He sidles over while she situates herself behind him. 

“Do you have any preference on what I do?” 

“Whatever you think will look best.” She nods and gets to work. Cornrows she decides as she sprays his head to wet the curls. They are the easiest and will take the shortest amount of time. 

For a while there’s mostly silence as Nile works. Occasionally she’ll ask if Joe is comfortable or if something she does bothers him, but other than that it’s quiet. 

“Tell me about doing your brother’s hair.” She blinks. 

“You really want to hear about that?” 

“Of course, why wouldn’t I?” She shrugs and then realizes he can’t see her.

“It’s not very interesting compared to any of the stories you like to tell. I figured you guys would find my memories boring and domestic.” He turns to look at her, taking her hands in his. 

“Nile, we want to know everything about you. We want to know about your family and what school was like for you and if you played any sports and your favorite food and about your family celebrations and your time in the Marines. We want to know you. Nothing you could ever tell us about your life is boring because it’s yours.” 

To her immense surprise she starts crying. It’s slow at first little hiccups as tears leak out but it quickly turns into a roar as sobs heave out of her chest. Joe makes an alarmed noise and twists around so he can pull Nile to him, pulling her off the chair and into his arms. He holds her and rocks her as she sobs. It takes a while before she can’t get herself back under control, a little shamefaced from the burst of emotions. She tries to pull away so she can gather up the broken pieces of herself that escaped her tightly sealed walls. Joe just tightens his arms around her. 

“Nile, to you it may feel like we’re strangers. This new family you’ve found doesn’t quite fit like your old one and you don’t know where you belong. But we have already carved out space in our hearts and our lives for you. All _four_ of us.” She raises her eyebrows in surprise at the allusion to Booker. They’ve avoided talking about him the last few months, sticking mostly to stories from before he joined them. It’s a wound she knows will take time to heal. Joe continues, “Nile, we may not yet be part of your family but you are a part of ours.”

“Really?” Her voice is small. 

“Really.” 

“Okay,” she nods decisively. She can do this. She can figure out where she belongs, especially now that she knows they have all made space for her to find the right fit. It feels like hope, something that’s been in short supply for her as of late. She sits up so she can finish Joe’s hair. 

“His name is Indus. And before you ask, yeah, my parents had a thing for rivers. He’s four years younger than me and was—” there’s a pause here as she struggles with how to talk about her family. “He is my favorite person in the world. I don’t know if Andy mentioned it to you but my dad died when I was 11. He was a Marine, killed in action. Anyway, things were hard for a while and my mom was working three jobs to make sure we could keep our place. I started helping out more with my brother. I took him to school and helped with homework. I went to his soccer games and his school concerts. I started doing his hair too. Easy stuff at first, hair cuts and little twists, but eventually he would start showing me pictures. It was usually a soccer player or rapper but I learned to do cornrows and braids. I learned to dye and bleach and to dread and all sorts of things for him. We would always put something on TV to watch, sometimes it was old reruns of sitcoms or a movie from when we were kids or a football—sorry, American football game. Sometimes we’d talk but most of the time he was on his phone and I was working on his hair and it was nice. I miss it.” 

She’s finished now and she says as much to Joe. He hops up to go check it out in the bathroom while she cleans up.

“This is beautiful,” he says in awe. She smiles as he emerges from the bathroom. He’s touching at his hair like he can’t quite believe it. 

“I did an easy style but if you like it I can do more complicated stuff in the future.”

“This was easy?” He’s impressed she can tell and she preens under his gaze. “Nile, I love it. I can’t wait to see what you come up with next time.” 

She smiles. It doesn’t fill the hole left by her brother, nothing ever will, but it feels like hope.

**Author's Note:**

> **Notes**
> 
> There was actually an essay competition that my 10th grade English teach had us participate in. We had to answer the question, “Who Am I?” without the usual qualifiers like name, age, grade, etc. 
> 
> "...azizati..." = "...my darling..." in Arabic


End file.
